Rag Land

New book

2007-02-17T15:19:00.000Z

This post is mainly for Zhubin and Joe but anyone else, feel free to read along...I was just being polite...I didn't think you would actually intrude further where you weren't welcome...so that's how it's going to be then...fine...

Anywho, thanks to a recommendation by Joe, I just bought a book called Dawkins' God: Genes, Memes, and the Meaning of Life written by Alister McGrath. Thought you both might want to check it out as well as it is a followup to most of Dawkins' works by a fellow scientist and former atheist (McGrath's credentials will be up to even Mr. Parang's rigorous criteria, methinks) and simply reviews from another perspective how scientific and imperical knowledge doesn't naturally lead to an atheistic viewpoint in any intellectual human being.

Just starting the book so you two should as well (and anyone else who's still reading) and we can discuss it and in a month have Zhubin applying for seminary. Ave Maria, Zhubin...Ave Maria...

Where's my big black brother?

2007-01-10T22:48:00.000Z

Well, this post is specifically for Zhubin, Bone, Rachel, and Zack. I started rehearsals on monday for the national tour of Joseph and His Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I am playing Levi, singing One More Angel, riffing like a gospel singer in Go, Go, Go Joseph and otherwise doing all the crazy stuff this show entails. I have a 6 month contract that goes all over the UK. Anywho, having a great time with the cast but wanted to let you all know that the amount of diversity in my cast is sadly lacking when compared to the cultural stew that was our most august performance "way, way back many centuries ago"... So, just wanted to let you guys know so you can fly over here and beat my cast members up and save the day by taking their places...excellent...need a big, black brother and a short skinny Persian one...is there anyone dad wouldn't sleep with?!

To hang or not to hang

2007-01-02T00:33:00.000Z

Just a quick thought. Is anyone else a bit troubled by the hanging of Hussein. I mean, I agree that he has committed crimes against humanity and that he must face the consequences, but I think the speed with which the execution was carried out is a little chilling. It may be the first time the length of time in the American judicial system regarding executions seems like a good idea.

Anywho, for the largest tangent jump in history, also hope everyone had a wonderful new year. As I am 5-8 hours ahead of you all, I will of course keep you informed of events that are happening in your future so you can be ready. Also, just picked up the His Dark Materials trilogy and am working on that. Any others who have read it, your thoughts would be welcome (and Zhubin feel free to wax philosophically about the merits of it versus truly great literature...like Sons and Lovers?! Freak...)

Happy New Year to you all...may it be fun and full of excitement...and cake...mmmm...cake...

PS: New Year's resolution...use even more elipses...yeah...good idea...that's the ticket...these rock...Zhubin loves them...sweet man...neutered...

Weight Watchers

2006-12-22T14:22:00.000Z

Ok, I have a gripe about people as a whole. One of the campaigns that I answer phones for at the call center I work part time is Weight Watchers. Now, I think that it is a great program and has helped a lot of people. In fact, my gripe isn't with weight watchers, but with the mentality that often manifests itself regarding this and other self-help programs. So often people want weight watchers to be a fix-all that they can come and learn the secret that will allow them to eat lots of cake and lose hundreds of pounds. In fact, I often get very angry people on the phone if the food's not working for them or if they are told what they can't eat as if we are being unreasonable saying, "Might not be a good idea to eat ten cakes." It's as if them being overweight everybody's fault but their own. When did everything become someone else's fault?

Just a thought.

I'm back

2006-12-12T12:18:00.000Z

Well, I will (again) make a concentrated effort to do this more often, as I'm sure there are thousands out there who have been almost catatonic with despair, having not had any new thoughts from me in...oh...about six months. After the threat of eradication from others' blogs (you know who you are), here is my update.

Builders suck! Just wanted to lay that out there. As most of you probably don't know, the flat upstairs from ours had a leaky radiator that caused a 4 foot by 4 foot segment of our roof to collapse. This was about 4 weeks ago. Finally, last week the builders were supposed to come on tuesday and fix the ceiling...AT 7:30 IN THE MORNING!!!!! However, it would be nice to have a lounge again, so I got up and was waiting at 7:30...8:00...8:30...9:30...11:30...finally at 12:30 we finally got in touch with the guy to find out he couldn't come and would reschedule. SO, this morning I am up at 8:00 again waiting for the fella and he finally arrives at 9:30. Now the flat next to ours had the same thing happen to them so the company was going to fix both roofs. However, they decided to have us both up and waiting for them and when they got here, I was told that they weren't going to touch my roof till TOMORROW AT 11:00. So, now I have the blow torch, chain saw, and thumb screws out and feel justified.

I find it funny that being on time is so important in every other area of life, but when it comes to builders, repairmen, etc they do what they want, when they want, and we all accept it.

MONEY MAKING IDEA: Start your own building company, be on time, do the job for what you said you'd do it for, and finish on time. You'll never stop working...EVER!

Ok, that's my diatribe for today. Hope you enjoyed it.

Poker...It's time to get out of...you know which town!

2006-07-02T01:03:00.000+01:00

Well folks, the time is fast approaching that I will be back with you. As I think of all the important things I need to do when I am back, the most important is, of course, POKER! I know that I am coming in on the 6th and Zhubin is coming in the next week so I leave it up to you (Graham, Scott, Joe, (insert your name here)) to arrange nights of fun where I can say such things as, "Well, in England that hand you just won wouldn't buy me a pint of ale or a bloody kebab...blimey...." You have been warned...

K-Town here I come!!!!

2006-06-19T20:18:00.000+01:00

Just to let you all know, it is less than three weeks until I will once again join you in the country of our birth. For those even luckier, I may even see you in the town of our formative years. That is right...I am gracing Knox Vegas with my lovely self. I will be flying into Knoxville on the evening of the 6th of July and will flying out the morning of the 20th. So in that time, I expect all of you who are from Knoxville to be at your house with your phone charged waiting for my phone call for maximum chillage! For chill we shall my children...chill we shall...

In other news, I must let you all know that England is great in a lot of ways and there are many things here that I love. However, the US seems to have (at least in my experience) a slight edge in the "not stinking" department. The idea of deodorant here doesn't seem to matter as much as...say...letting one's teeth get worse. Needless to say, the tube reeks every day and I got brained by an ill formed molar...USA here I come...

Evolution...hmmm...

2006-05-25T21:57:00.000+01:00

Well just a very quick post but wanted to bring something up that I am finding quite interesting. I am currently reading the Origin of Species by Darwin and first of all it is a fascinating read. The conclusions drawn about change, natural selection, mutated gene placement as recessive rather than dominant to ensure longevity and give greater chance of eventually becoming dominant...all of it is amazing.

However, the more I read, the more insane it seems that the Christian community should take his writings and the facts about nature that have been drawn as harmful or even blasphemous to the Bible and the Christian faith. If anything, I think the amazingly complex system shows again how the well designed this world is.

Now, I know some (Zhubin) might disagree with me that the complexity of evolution points towards a highter power, but regardless, there is no reason that Christians should not be able to fully embrace the process of evolutionary change and rectify it with the Christian belief system. All this book and science as a whole tells us is how...it doesn't and shouldn't touch the why. And, even in the preface, it talks about how, even though we aren't the Lords of Creation, we are singularly different from all other living things in our knowledge of our change. We are different and special amongst all things on earth.

Just thought I would throw out that we can try and figure out the how without impinging at all on the why and, in fact, the why to someone of faith makes the beauty of our world that much more proof positive of actual design.

Your Rebuttal, Mr. Parang...

Memory Lane

2006-05-07T00:44:00.000+01:00

In this blog post, I think I will take a break from recounting the present and revisit the past. Why, I hear you ask, have you suddenly decided to dispense with now and leap to then? Why abandon us?! Why?!!! Well, blame Josh Pinchok.

For those of you who don't know, Josh was in Ensemble with me back in 97-98. He and his fiancee are taking a three month backpacking tour around Europe and stayed with Rachael and I on their way to the main land. Over a pint or two, Josh and I began to reminisce about some of the times of yesteryear. Then, like a bolt of lighting striking the still land on a cloudless day, the most hilarious incident ever to occur in the entire world came back to both of us. And now I will share it with you. For those of you who don't know this story, I invite you in for a moment of incredulity and hilarity. For those who do...sit back and remember...

It was late in the school year, a balmy April night, and Ensemble was onstage about to do the closing number in what many described as the best spring program ever. Cue a medley of Phantom of the Opera songs. There we are...men in tuxes, women in ball gowns. The lights are just right. The expectant hush fall over the crowd. On the clavinova, Heather Janney begins the first chords of the medley to end all medleys. But wait...these chords billowing from the pit. Could they be? Are they? Yes...they are not the right key! Oh fate...curse you!!!!

But wait, we are all talented singers. We can make it work in whatever key. The first part of the medley was the song "The Phantom of the Opera" and half the choir took it up the octave and half took it down. The resulting dichotomy led many in the audience to raise an eyebrow. Has something gone wrong, they muse, or is this perhaps a Glass-ian motif in which the dissonance is the integral part of the piece. Yes, some mused this thought...and then came Think of Me.

The women of Ensemble sang this bit alone and bless them...they gave it their all. Unfortunately, the sound issuing from the stage more closely resembled 400 cats in heat getting mauled by savage hyenas. Finally, mercifully, Mr. Crowe cuts us off and allows the piece to die the death it had been longing for.

All eyes look to the pit where our accompanist extraordiaire realizes that she has forgotten to depress the transpose button. As we hear the chord slowly rise to where it should be, the stress of the moment became too much for two of our members. Yea, they could hold it no more and between the herculean effort extended to stop the giggles and the utter concentration needed not to catch anyone else's eye, the ensuing battle claimed a victor...the bladder. Yes it's true.

Both girls peed themselves on stage.

Oh yes, it's true. Twas not even a tiny bit of urine but a full blown expulsion of pee. Beneath the beautiful ball gowns of each of the girls stood a puddle of fresh steaming urine. But, the show must go on so what do we do?? We do the number in the right key and spend the next 8-10 minutes dancing, moving, and all the while spreading the golden liquid around the stage...a veritable piss mopping, if you will. Thus the night ended with a very relieved choir, an appreciative audience, and a thoroughly soaked stage.

To this day, every time I think about those two ladies wetting themselves, I piss myself...in fact I just did it...ok that's the end of my post...I need new pants...

Exciting News

2006-04-25T22:07:00.000+01:00

I got a Game Boy Advance. Now all those long Tube rides to and from work pass in the blink of a pixelated eye as I battle, level up, and destroy all the monsters keeping the good people of the pokemon universe under thumb. Yeah, verily, I say to thee rest and know that I am here and shall catch all yon animals to become thy master...yea...

In other news (the real exciting news actually) Rachael has just gotten in the West End cast of Les Miserables. She is in the ensemble (yes my wife is going to be whore #3 among other things) and she is second cover to Eponine so we are very excited. She starts on that middle of next month and has a year contract. Plus I got a gameboy...so I'm cool too...right...right...she's going to leave me, isn't she?... Unfortunately, that means she isn't coming to the States for Joe and Lee's weddings (to girls...Joe and Lee aren't marrying each other...unless...) but fortunately it means we can eat and pay rent so it's six up half a dozen down.

That is all with us right now but just didn't want another scolding from Zhubin about how I have been lost to the dark ethers of London. We are here...in the dark ethers of London...sigh...

Would you all please update?!

2006-03-31T17:30:00.000+01:00

Geez guys...it seems all I do is update and never hear anything from you! (See what I did...I turned it around...now you don't know what to do! Mwa ha ha ha!!!!!)

Anywho, sorry for the long hiatus. Have been trucking along here in the great city of London, enjoying the clouds, revelling in the rain, and saving all the black gunk that accumulates in one's nose after spending any amount of time on the Tube. Isn't city life great?!

Had Mr. Parang (Zhubin...not his dad...that would have been awkward...) over in January and we had fun to the max. Learned more about the Persians than I ever thought I would and, all in all...not such bad people. Had a good system of managing, not much war, and allowed everyone to keep pretty much their own culture. Could've used a jihad or two, but all in all, not too bad. Also visited the graves of some famous people (who shall remain nameless lest they harm the political ambitions of anyone concerned), watched a session of the house of commons, and drank any number of tasty pints before Zhubin returned to D.C. and I returned to...my bed.

So, because of his visit, Zhubin has now taken top spot in the friends pool. Joe comes in second for allowing me to be in his wedding, and Graham and Scott are tied for third because of their whole hearted promises to come "as soon as they can!". All the rest of you are further down...let's say number 271.

Went to France last weekend with the lady (how fun is it that I can "pop down to France for the weekend"...you want to be me...truly you do!!) and had a blast. Went to the Louvre again and saw awesome artwork and went to a creperie and had awesome crepe (now if only they would make a sculpture of a crepe...beautiful and yummy!) Also, if you are watching the news, you know that the French are rioting and so I took in a bit of looting while I was there as well. Only killed one man...but I did it with a trident! (Let those who know the reference titter mildly)

So that's about all. Now, stop giving me a hard time about not updating. Or I'll kill you. In the eye. Tonight. Not joking...

PS: Have added friends to the list so look for your name if I think you're cool. Also, Rachael, you have apparently stopped blogging so I assume you are dead. Sorry about that.

Merry Christmas

2005-12-24T20:20:00.000Z

Just wanted to wish all of you in the land of freedom a very merry Christmas...sorry a happy winter holidays...no, that might be offensive too...how about a lukewarm winter soltice experience...yeah that'll do...

As my first Christmas away from my growing up family and my growing up country, I reflect on a few things that will make this holiday different:

1) Santa is more often referred to here as Father Christmas rather than Santa Claus. This shows the British have no souls...don't know why, but it does.

2) Away in a Manger is still sung over here...BUT WITH A DIFFERENT TUNE. Seriously people, we went to a Christmas carol service and I almost had apoplexy...YES! APOPLEXY. I listened to their rendition accompanied by the heavenly counterpoint of baby Jesus crying...

3) The day after Christmas is called Boxing Day where everyone gets on the streets promptly at 9 AM and pummels the crap out of each other all day long. Well, maybe not, but the 26th is called Boxing Day, it is a Holiday, I have no clue what it means, and there is even less going on on that day than there is on Christmas day. Now this also means no day-after-Christmas sales which, in my opinion, means they revere Jesus more. The habit of getting drunk at the pub and then going to midnight mass on the 24th means they revere Him slightly less. All in all, I think they are about 50% Jesus, 50% Budweiser...give or take...

4) There are only four main channels on TV...now this doesn't have much to do with Christmas, but I just wanted to rail about it again!

and finally

5) This will be my first married Christmas which means I will get the greatest gift of all...the sex...I mean spending it with my lovely wife...yeah...that's the ticket...

Anywho, hope you all have a wonderful and safe Christmas, a happy New Year, and please drink some good old American Dr. Pepper for me. The stuff over here sucks...

Medicine

2005-11-02T22:27:00.000Z

Got a question for all of you.

Is there a problem in the states with the safety of health care workers? By that, I mean do many doctors and nurses go to work fearful of being hit, beaten, or injured by patients in the States?

The reason I ask is that it is a major problem here in the UK. There are signs up in doctors offices saying "we don't have to take this" and constant stories of this or that doctor or nurse going into the hospital themselves after being injured by a patient. Now, I never really heard anything about this in the States and it surprised me when I came over here. Sadly, though, if this is not a trend in the States, there is one conclusion that comes to mind.

The difference in the States medicine and the UK is that everyone is able to get medical care and see a doctor regardless of money in the UK where as in the States only those who can afford it can. Now what this says to me is that the only difference in the two equations is the inclusion of the poor, ethnic minorities, etc. that are denied healthcare in the States that are the impetus for the violence carried out on medical workers. This seems very odd and horrible to me, but if anyone else has an idea, I would love to hear it. This was a problem with NAtional Healthcare that I hadn't thought of.

Thoughts?

What the Fawkes wrong with you?!

2005-11-01T21:32:00.000Z

Ok readers, now that you have calmed from your apoplexy from the horrendous pun/slur...a plur if you will...let me explain my gross baseness.

There are many things that one finds strange living with the English. One interesting facet comes on buses and tubes. When riding on public transportation, no one talks and if, for some reason, you have to talk you do it quietly so as not to disturb the other people who are very into...ummm...sitting there. Also, you may ride the same train as a person for ten years, stand with them at the same stop every morning and sit across from them everyday but that does NOT give you the right to ever speak to them or even look at them (there is an addendum to this rule if they start talking on a phone...then see rule number one.) And on and on the list goes, with some things approaching hilarity and others just downright weird. It is to the latter category that my title alludes.

There is a holiday here which will be celebrated this saturday called Guy Fawkes (pronounced Fox) Day. This is a day that commemorates A) A National war hero B)A Famous Artist or C) A man who tried to blow up the houses of parliament a few hundred years ago? If you are drunk right now and happened to stumble into C then you are correct! Guy Fawkes was apprehending orchestrating a plan to blow up the houses of parliament and was tried and executed for his crimes. Now, mind you, had he been successful the loss of life would have been astronomical and the political repercussions almost unimaginable. So what do the English do? They have a National holiday and set off fireworks to celebrate!!!!

That's right. For hundreds of years now the English have been doing to the sky what Fawkes tried to do to Parliament in homage to a terrorist.

No wonder they lost the colonies...

God bless the tube!

2005-10-14T01:02:00.000+01:00

Just had something funny happen today and thought you should all know it. I had to take an alternate rout into work today because one of the metro lines was closed due to workers walking off and refusing to drive. Now, here in London this happens for many reasons, from the merely stupid to laughably ludicrous, but, for perhaps the first time, I am glad they walked. The reason they didn't want to drive is that on FIVE different trains yesterday, the emergency brakes gave out. FIVE!!!! They stopped (eventually) and said, umm, how bout us not driving till we have...ummm...brakes? And the higher ups said to not worry about it...you can just coast to a stop (or something like that) and I believe the tube drivers then told them where to stick their crumpets. Ah, London...bombs and no brakes...

Also had coffee with a friend from Pepperdine and got the info on a bunch of my uni friends. Good times...good times... Before coffee, though, I was at a voice over job where I had to do the voices for, in this order, 13 year old American, 40 year old Canadian, 16 year old American, 45 year old gruff American, 25 year old American, 30 year old Canadian, and finally generic narrator voice in Canadian accent. What's that all aboot?! Just thought you should all know I am having an identity crisis...again...why won't the voices stop?!...

Finally, most exciting is that Zhubin will be coming to visit me in the new year which has officially pushed his friend point total over the threshold and he has won the Friend Cup. Let's all congratulate him and try harder next year...Scott...seriously...

From God to Money

2005-09-20T22:23:00.000+01:00

Well, since most of my recent posts...ok all my posts are usually related to some spiritual subject matter, I thought I would shake things up and bring up something near and dear to my heart and that is...Mercedes Benz. "What", I hear you exclaim," could Mercedes have to do with you? You've never owned a Benz!!!" And to that I reply...true. HOWEVER, I work for a call centre that is employed by mercedes benz and thus talk to many owners of them daily. Now mind you these are rich people (who are snobby) and English people (who are snobby) which adds up to Mercedes English people (butt-holes). But the shortcomings of these individuals as human beings is of secondary importance. What I want to discuss is this:

Many of the people I talk to own an SL Mercedes which is between a 50 to 70 thousand pound car (that is pounds stirling not pounds as in big bottoms). They usually own more than one and I actually had a lady complain to me today because her husband was dismayed by the disproportionately large amounts of special SLs (80-90 thousand pounds) he saw and was thinking of changing for a MORE ELITE car! My question is this: Should these people be taxed extremely hard because of their obvious amount of disposable income or is it fair that they are able to afford 2-3 mercedes and others can't pay rent.

Basically, just want to see who is more of a socialist (Zhubin, Bobak, Stalin) and who is more of a capitalist (Paige, Joe, Jesus). What do you think?

Big Cities

2005-09-10T22:15:00.000+01:00

Well, I had my graduation this friday...yes, I know what some of you are thinking. You are saying, "Christopher, my good friend...has all the boiled food gone to your head and made you senile and forget that you graduated last september?!" Yes, although I graduated last september, we didn't go through the ceremony till this past friday...the 9th...of SEPTEMBER!!...hmmm...

Anywho, it was cool. Brian Dennehy was a special guest speaker and he was cool. All in all it was a cool day. Did I use cool enough?

Ok, so enough about that. I have another post on the meaning of life that came to me as I was walking down the street in downtown London.

As I was walking I began to really look at all the people. Thousands upon thousands of people traverse those streets daily and each has a life that is rich in its history, if nothing else. And as I walked I began to think a few things. 1)Our individuality, if you discount the existence of a conscious deity, is largely meaningless. There are so many individuals with so many thoughts and ideas that anything you think or do is most likely thought or done by others and you are not special. Indeed, anything you can do is most likely meaningless and moot which leads to point number two. 2) Even if you don't believe in a deity but still believe life can be meaningful by how you use it, you are really deluding yourself. I was reading the Once and Future King by T.H. White and was thinking about that novel and other "great" works of literature, about philosophers, kings, and fame. On that tangent, I thought that for every Dostoyevsky you have, there are thousands if not millions of writers who also could have been great, but have faded into obscurity. Philosophers have been with us forever, yet very few of them stand the test of time; indeed, most don't even withstand their own lifetime. Even those who wield enormous power in their day, whether they be rulers or well-known by the populace, fade away and usually make very little difference in the river of life as we know it. Only a tiny percent of a tiny percent of a tiny percent do something with their life that changes this world at all. Much as anyone tries, the greatest chance is that your life, whether good or bad, will be completely meaningless and your passing will affect the world virtually not at all. Indeed, even people who commit horrific deeds are forgotten unless they arise to the Hitler level (who will probably fade out of history eventually too)

Basically I guess this post is a challenge to those who don't believe that we were made for a purpose and are known individually. If that's true and if, regardless of how hard we try, we will probably affect things less than a pebble in a fast flowing river, what is the point of doing good or striving for perfection? Is the possibility, remote though it may be, of leaving some sort of legacy enough to make one try? Or is there another answer?

It rained a lot this week and my thoughts have turned darker...almost as dark as Zhubin's black heart...

End of a Friendship

2005-08-24T23:43:00.000+01:00

I know the title of this post may sound a bit harsh and overstated, but after what I am about to write, I fully expect to lose one of my best and closest friends. I am enjoying the Harry Potter books. That's right, Zhubin, I have turned to the dark side, forsaken the light, and have read that list of tomes that encapsulates all that you find wrong with most modern literature. But I don't care...Let me explain.

I have recently finished reading a book by Steven King called "On Writing" where he gives his life story as well as tips to anyone who is considering writing. Throughout the book he gives examples of what to do when writing and then talks about authors who do this well. In one of his examples, talking about importance of story line, I think, he mentions J.K. Rowling and how she is very good at this. Now, I finished the Dark Tower series a while ago and, suffice to say, if Steven King said Joe had become a witch, I would have probably built the bonfire before asking myself why Mr. Caldwell HADN'T FINISHED MY VIDEO...sorry...tangent moment... Anywho, I think King is a great writer and so decided that, with his blessing, I too would see what this was all about (NOTE: My wife wants me to point out that she had been telling me to read these and that I would enjoy them long before a book told me to and that obviously a page of text has more influence than her...I told her to go cook me something...I woke up hours later...)

The argument that we have had for so long seems to center on the fact of reading for enlightenment and intellectual stimulation versus reading simply for pleasure books that may not discuss, in depth, the extreme subtleties of life as we know it. SOME (notice no names, Zhubin...) would say that reading and writing derives its validity for what it can tell us about the human condition. Namely, in novels such as Crime and Punishment, Heart of Darkness, and the like, we see life as it is, in all its shades of grays and all its grit and grime and therefore can derive from its bared pages a more integral and understandable view of who we are and what life is. I can agree with this to a point. I believe that these novels, as well as countless others, show us a deeper look at who we are and thus deserve to be studied and elevated above, say, Danielle Steele.

However, SOME say that this is the only point in reading. To take oneself out of one's world, to enter a land in which we deal in more absolutes and which our imagination can run free, a land in which good versus evil is quite apparent with very little difficulty seems like a very uselss waste of time. I would say, however, that it has many uses, some of which almost as worthwhile as "Zhubin Literature". Whereas Crime and Punishment might deal with one man's psychological struggle, Harry Potter deals with similar weighty issues such as death, prejudice, hatred, jealousy, and other major themes, and may perhaps have be better in some aspects because it can be interesting and stimulating to those who enjoy "weightier" novels as well as a younger reader or someone who perhaps does not enjoy or lacks the education or gift to understand heavier literature. It can appeal across the board in way some "Greats" cannot and therefor must have something of merit in it. Both have their place, both are good and useful in their own right, but to say that reading should be limited to the cultural and educational elite and should deal almost exclusively with the inner working of the human condition as it is rather than a world of what could be, seems to be unfounded elitism.

Your rebuttal...

Happy Birthday Graham

2005-08-22T20:43:00.000+01:00

Well I am making a habit of being late wishing all my friends a happy birthday (Rachel I know I missed yours too so happy b-day to you as well!) so I figured I would keep up the tradition and be a week late for Graham. G-Dogg, I hope your day was fantastic...welcome to 24...it sucks...

Work...We don't need no stinking work...

2005-08-10T00:09:00.000+01:00

Well ladies and gentlemen, I have been in England for close to two and a half months now and I have worked probably 10-15 days TOTAL!!!! However, this in not from a lack of trying. So far I have engaged in being fired from spraying perfume, selling inheritance tax advice, giving massages to people in bars, and refereeing snowball fights in July (thank you college and graduate school!!!)

However, I finally passed a store approval (meaning I BSed my way into them thinking I knew how to spray perfume...which way does the nozzle go?...) and should be working there at the beginning of september.

Also, have had auditions for Joseph (shout out to Zhubin and Bone) and Mary Poppins and had an audition today for a US and European tour which I have to go to call backs for tomorrow. Now, the reason I mention all this is that, before Mary Poppins, I auditioned for My Fair Lady. Both of these shows are Cameron Mackintosh shows and thus I was auditioning for perhaps the most influential casting director in London Musical Theatre and both shows I had to audition in English accents. Now my accents are good, but when you, as an American, walk into a room of Englishmen and then do a song in a cockney accent, you can't help but feel like you've walked into the classroom with only your underwear on. They're all weighing you with their beady little English eyes... I just think it's funny that the team of casting people who will be most influential in my career here have only seen me be English. Go figure!

Anywho, I also wanted to pose a question like Zhubin did, but perhaps this one will be a bit more difficult.

Would you rather:

Know there was a God and you would go to Heaven but have the most miserable and long life possible (75-90 years of pain, disease, perhaps disfigurement...anything that would make each minute seem like an eternity and also be completely alone and unloved by any other human on the planet)

or

Have the most perfect life, family, friends, career, health...everything is honestly perfect and every day is a dream, but you know that when you die there is nothing after it

Your rebuttal, sir....

ADDENDUM:
Ok here is the question changed slightly:

A life full of suffering with the chance of an afterlife

or

A life full of happiness with no chance of an afterlife

Here's a First

2005-07-18T21:03:00.000+01:00

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I have now started a new system that will record the events of my life. Let's begin!

1: Number of jobs I got fired from today before being interviewed.

Oh yes, it's true, I got effectively fired from SPRAYING PERFUME at Harrod's. Apparently I wasn't spraying material. The story goes like this.

I went to human resources to begin a new survival job working at HArrod's through a temp agency. For those who don't know, Harrod's is a department store in London that is extremely overpriced and way up it's own butt. So, HR sends me to the floor and the counter of the fragrance I will be working at that day to get my starting papers signed by a manager. (Quick note: At Harrod's you have to be what's called "store approved" which basically means are you pretty enough to work at Harrod's in their beauty department and people are hired and fired based solely on this in most cases) Well after being sent here there and everywhere I am told to wait at the counter I will be working at and wait for the manager. So while I wait, I chat a little to one of the girls working there to find out how it works and I lean against the counter.

BIG MISTAKE!!!!!

A guy comes up to me and, in one of the most condescending tones I have ever heard, asks if he can help. I reply and say, "Oh no thank you. I was told to wait here for a manager's signature." To which he snaps, Well please stop leaning on my counter!! Well, I promptly do that and right at this point the floor manager comes up to find out what has happened because the guy who bollocked me is the HEAD OF FRAGRANCE AND BEAUTY!! Oh yes, I offended and was chastised by my boss before I ever got to work. To make matters worse it was him that I was supposed to have sign my paper.

SO...I go up to him and tell him that he is supposed to sign the paper and he very laconically tells me I need to go back to HR. Now here's the funny bit. By the time I had walked across the store to the staff entrance and up an escalator, he had already beaten me there and was in the room getting me fired from Harrod's. I watched him walk out of the office and then one of the HR people came out and told me they had all my documents and to call my agency. Now, mind you I still haven't had an interview!!!!

I call my agency and they tell me that I was not store approved and that I can't work at Harrod's. I have two bachelor's degrees in performing and communicating and a Master's degree and I am not qualified to say, "Bijon for men?" So, that was my day. I died a little more inside...every day just a little more...please hold me...by the way, what is that divine frangrance you're wearing?

Life...

2005-07-15T00:40:00.000+01:00

First of all, as she mentioned that she occasionally checks this site, I would like to wish a VERY happy wedding day to my two friends Liz and Bryan. Have a wonderful day and know that I will be drinking a pint (or seven) to you on the day!

Secondly, can I just say how pissed off with the bombings I am! Not just for the loss of life, which is obviously horrible, but for making my days SO MUCH LONGER!!! I really think the ultimate goal of terrorist organizations is just to make everyone's day that much longer, the tube ride that much slower, and then...well atomic warfare comes to mind. I spent at least 4 hours...4 HOURS...on trains, buses, and tubes today going to interviews, my job, and then getting home. Sucked!

I am currently doing massage things in clubs, pubs, and, tonight, at the jazz festival in Kew Gardens. Had an interview with a promotions company today and have an appt with an agency that will send me to work at Harrod's spraying cologne, perfume, ground up cat feces, etc. So, I am truly living the actor's life...it's great Zhubin...so much more fun than doing a job that means something and doesn't destroy your soul. Wait, you're a lawyer...you know just how I feel!

So please, everyone come and visit Rachael and I in London and I massage you, promote you, and, if there is time, spray you with Eau d'Poopie...you know you want it!

Not Blown Up

2005-07-07T12:57:00.000+01:00

I do want to continue our discussion on the intricacies of human religion thought, but just wanted to let all of you know that Rachael and I were not in Central London when it got attacked. So we're ok...in case anyone cared...which you probably don't...

Hey you Hoser!

2005-07-01T13:08:00.000+01:00

Well, sorry (JOE) that I haven't (JOE) posted in a while (JOE) it's just that some of us (JOE) are trying to find income (JOE) and going to interviews (JOE) and auditions (JOE) so we don't have the time (JOE) to write between our classes (JOE) or when we are doing our homework (JOE!!!!). But here I am back so that a friend, who will remain nameless, will not whine anymore.

AS to the title of my blog, I get called yesterday from my voice-over agent and he said he had a possible casting for me and I needed to call a lady and do a phone interview. So I call the lady and she needs me to do a Canadian accent as a 17 year old boy, a rugged mountie, and a waiter and then immediately shift back into American. Well I do it and get the job and now I will be recording General American accents, switching into Canadian, and then back into American for an afternoon...WATCH OUT TOM CRUISE, CAUSE HERE I COME!!!!!

I also had an audition last week for My Fair Lady, which is the quintessential English show so I had to go in there and sing one song in a very posh English accent and then one in a cockney accent...very funny!

Finally, I have just started a new job where I go into pubs at night and give five minute head and shoulder massages which we were taught last night. So now I can give you all professional massages...as long as you come to England...tell you what, if you fly to England the massages will be free...how's that?!

So that is what is going on in my world. However, I wanted to ask a question to all who read this, especially Joe (and Zhubin you will probably want to get in on this too). I picked up a book from the bookstore yesterday called the Jesus Mysteries because the book claimed that almost everything we know of about Jesus' life was simply a comilation of myths handed down throughout other civilizations and that the literal story of Jesus being unique is one of the greatest cover ups in history. Now obviously, I don't believe this, but I am not afraid to hear what anyone has to say so I picked it up and it is quite interesting and a little disturbing. So I challenge all of you (but especially Joe and Zhubin) to get this book and read it so we can discuss it. Ok, that's it for me. You are boring me now.

Jews are vile...

2005-06-13T23:16:00.000+01:00

WAIT! Before the Jewish nation unites to knock down my door and stick a metal star of David in my head, let me explain. As I was walking down one of the nicer areas of London called Wood Green (SARCASM ALERT: The phrase just uttered is completely false...Wood Gren is SCAB CITY!!!!) I was intrigued by the group of interestingly dressed individuals shouting into a microphone as people passed by. Now I, assuming they had discovered the secrets of renewable energy and had decided to share with us all, retreated back into hearing range so I too could be blessed with the knowledge of perpetual cold fusion.

WELL, imagine my surprise when, instead of cold fusion they were talking about how everyone who wasn't Muslim should be ashamed of themselves (Note: They were wearing white robe-type things which, from a distance, look a little like lab coats...honest mistake.) Now I, as most of you know, do not like religious or political discussion, nor would I ever willingly walk up to a group of Muslims as a die-hard Christian and engage them in a dialogue for over an hour pointing out why their perceptions of Christianity are not entirely correct (apparently most Christians don't believe in Heaven and Hell and by having the trinity of God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit we are limiting God.) Now I won't bore you with all the details of this discussion but I did want to leave you with a few quotes that make me think twice before exchanging Jesus for Mohammed. Enjoy!

1. All Jews are evil, vile, and disgusting. Even people who aren't religious hate the Jews. They are an awful group of people.

2. The Holocaust didn't really happen. It is a conspiracy by the Zionist Jews. In fact, the Jews declared war on Germany first. Besides, bodies can't burn as fast as they say. The Holocaust survivors are liars.

and finally

3. (When I said that the radical Muslims who blew up the World Trade Center were the only "vile" people) Why are they radical. America helped Israel by giving the Jews weapons that they used to kill Muslim children. The Muslims simply struck back. Why is that radical?

At this point, I thanked them for their time, went to the movies, and watched House of Wax.

A thoroughly engaging day...

Five Things I Hate About You

2005-06-10T23:07:00.000+01:00

Well, as one of the last of our group of friends, I would like to first thank Graham for thinking of me as finally worthy to share my thoughts. So, as has been done by those before me I now begin: THE MEME!!!!!

The meme states as follows:
Behold, the Caesar's Bath meme! List five things that people in your circle of friends or peer group are wild about, but you can't really understand the fuss over. To use the words of Caesar (from History of the World Part I), "Nice. Nice. Not thrilling...but nice."

1. Axis & Allies: Now I understand the strategy inherent in this game and the hours of grueling and tireless movement and countermovement in order to eventually crush your opponent, but there is nothing that kills one's coolness faster than "Let's play axis and allies." IE: "Hey guys, I am dating a supermodel and just got put in people's 100 most intriguing people. But hey...let's play axis & Allies...wait my phone's ringing...what?!...you want to break up with me?...hold on I have another call...What?...now I am only in Redbook..." And thus it goes. Axis & Allies is to our age group the equivalent of choosing to forego dodgeball at recess for a rousing game of Star Trek...right Zhubin?...

2. Clubbing: Now it's not really as much you guys as other groups of friends, but I find a loud atmosphere fairly writhing with hormones and every sleazy guy and underdressed girl looking to do anything to each other under the cover of alchohol...well that's just not my cup of tea. If I want to go somewhere with my friends, I want to be able to see and hear them and carry on a conversation. Someplace with lots of light...open 24 hours...free refills...Perkins anyone?

3. Sex not being awesome: All I have to say, Zhubin, is that I was COMPLETELY right...

4. Bachelor Parties: I understand the idea behind them; one last hurrah before you are tied down. However, if you feel the need to have more hurrahs, it is my opinion you have no need to be getting married. Plus, have you seen the kind of girls you get in Knoxville for strippers...I mean...not that I looked...it was really just a glance...Rachael I love you....

and finally

5. America: I mean come on guys. You've tried that country for, what now, 23-25 years. Give another country a go. Geez...

I now pass this on to Brian Gentry, Bobak, and (insert your name here if you haven't done it yet...can't think of anyone else)...man I love that last guy/girl.

I'M BACK!!!!!

2005-06-09T13:43:00.000+01:00

Well gang, I have returned! As of yesterday, I now have broadband in my house and will be able to spend hours and hours living in the States vicariously through you all. I plan to answer the meme that Graham sent to me (thank you Graham for seeing me as worthy enough...I will not abuse your trust) but this one is short and geared towards one thing alone. I would like to use my first post from England to wish my good friend Zhubin a very happy and wonderful (albeit belated)....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!

I'll drink a pint to you...cause that's what you mean to me...a pint of beer...

It's Super Christopher

2005-05-04T20:54:00.000+01:00

I was thinking recently (ha ha...insert your "did it hurt" joke here...done?!...let's move on) and, since Zhubin has commanded us to keep him entertained with our musings during finals time, I decided to let you all in on my thoughts.

We all want to be heroes!

That's it...what?...explain to you the meaning of this simple but deep sentence?...all right...but try to keep up.

The movies, books, stories, etc. that seem to capture our attention the most are ones dealing with, usually, rather archetypal principles (ie good vs bad, light vs. dark, Dr. Pepper vs. Diet Dr. Pepper...) I think this is proved in the Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Matrix, etc. type movies. They show a world in which the "gray"-ness of our world seems to disappear and the lines of right and wrong are clearly drawn. Self sacrifice and heroism is lauded and revered, the strong protect the weak, and pople are more than willing to give their lives in a heartbeat to protect an ideal that means more than life itself. In effect, they show a world in which virtues are prized above wealth and power and that compassion, love, and truth will eventually triumph.

And then you leave the theatre and come back to our world...

Now some would say that people enjoy this type of film because it simplifies the struggle that is so complex and "muddied" in the real world. When one side tries to take over the world with goblins and the other side tries to stop them to allow mankind to continue its existence, the battle lines are pretty cut and dried. If, however, you try to look into corporate America with all of its practices and activities, it is much more difficult to find the "good" and the "bad". Perhaps, then, this is why we enjoy seeing worlds in which a side can be chosen with little difficulty.

Now, I can agree with this to a degree, but I think this is only a point in the larger issue. I believe (and this is where many of you might disagree with me) that there is something imbedded within us as humans that causes us to crave virtue. I would call it a piece of my Creator, whereas others would call it a manifestation of true shared humanity, but regardless, it is a desire, nay, a yearning, for something that surpasses the mundane and reaches into the extraordinary. It is a yearning for hope, courage, and compassion. It is a need to have heroes and to see people acting in a way which goes counter to selfish human desires, surpasses petty wants, and reaches the pinnacle of human greatness, a greatness that is achieved through mercy and love, rather than ruthlessness and overpowering. It is a deeply held desire to live and act in a world that cherishes sacrifice over greed and caring over money. And this deeply held desire is rarely, if ever, recognized in the world in which we live in.

That is why I think there will always be a market for this genre of film and that it will always attain a popularity unmatched among other genres. As long as there are humans living in a selfish, petty world, the need and yearning for a world of virtue will continue.

Now...let's go to a strip club...

Give me a gun...

2005-04-26T20:49:00.000+01:00

Oh yes...today was another day in which I substitute taught in the High School. Now, besides it being little more than glorified babysitting (or not so glorified), it makes me a little sad, a little mad, and kind of depressed to see the state of high schoolers in our country.

Now, granted, I am not a full time teacher and I remember being worse for the sub than for the real teacher, but there is a sense of apathy from such a large majority of the students that it is a bit frightening. We tried to go over a few things in class (it was a music class so I decided to do a little compound time with them), but when I introduced something that wasn't extremely easy to do, most of the students gave up and began to say things such as, "This is stupid","It's too hard","I hate doing stuff like this", and "Is this busy work?" I couldn't help but respond to that last comment with, "Well can you do it perfectly?" to which she says, "Uh...no..." to which I reply, "Then it's not busy work, is it?" to which she turns red and then plays with her neighbor's hair for the rest of the period.

Now I didn't witness this sense of apathy and lack of caring here for the first time. I would dare say that half of all my classes talk, act, or otherwise show me that what we are doing in class is about as interesting to them as a root canal. If it isn't directly applicable (ie why South Park was funny last night), they give up and classify it as dumb.

As I ponder this conundrum, I began to wonder, however, who's fault is this? Does it have something to do with the age and the search for individual identity? Does the love of learning denote an identity with which most teenagers would rather distance themselves from? Does intelligence facilitate interest and, if so, should we blame those who are less intelligent or is that simply in line with their IQ? Or are the teacher's to blame? Have we taugt facts, figures, and every who, what, or when, but failed to ever mention why? Is there even an emphasis anywhere in the learning process to teach the love of learning or even how to learn? Because of differing intelligence levels, are most students put off from an early age because their best achievements are never touted as high as the more intelligent of their classmates?

I think it may be a combination of all of these, but I think the major problem is that we don't want to learn and we don't love to learn because we've rarely been given a reason to love it. How many guys can tell you every stat about every person in the NFL? MANY!!! Why? Because it's interesting and they want to know it. But how often are we told why it's important or interesting for us to know why the Roman Empire fell or why famous generals won battles or why we should know how our body works? It seems that we may have asked a few too many whats, whens, and wheres, and forgotten the why altogether.

Weddings + Me = HELP!!!!!

2005-04-11T22:53:00.000+01:00

Well we are getting down to the wire now and everything has needed to be done yesterday for this wedding. We just got the invitations out today so you should be receiving them shortly. If for some reason you don't get it soon, you can still see all the details and RSVP at rcwedding.com. You might have to refresh the page once but it's a really cool site designed by a good friend of mine. However, I must digress for a second.

There is a fundamental difference in men and women that accounts for a woman's proclivity in planning, designing, and otherwise pulling off massive events such as weddings, parties, and inaugurations. Mark my words...at the head of every successful party is a woman...or maybe a successful party is that you get the woman...one of the two. Now I have never professed any great ability in detailed planning and am, I will admit, quite unable to care. This wedding, on the other hand, requires minute planning to the smallest detail. Did you know that you are supposed to send invitations to your rehearsal dinner? These are the people who know, and have probably known for months, that they will be a part of your wedding and knew the date almost before you did...and you are supposed to send them invitations to come to the practice the night before?! Suffice to say that I am trying to nix that...we'll see if the feminine contingent lets me...

It is quite common for a woman to spend a year planning this one day and feel as if they need that entire time to do a decent job. I guess I am just too cynical and think there are better uses for a year than planning one party. I am not saying it is not important, because I know it is, but a year still seems a bit like overkill.

Since Rachael is in England, I am dealing with most of the stuff which means I am delegating most of the stuff which means I am asked for my opinion and then told it should probably be done a different way. When this occurs, one of two things happens. 1)I accept it and it is done the suggested way or 2)I persist in disagreeing and am told to ask Rachael (in an attempt to set me straight, I suppose). Now I cannot tell you how amazing the people helping me have been and that I couldn't do it without them, but I am learning daily that there are certain ways to do things at a wedding and my sense of humor about what would be cool or fun is rarely appreciated. Oh boys, if e're there was something of which we should take no part, it's name is wedding. Run...run lest it consume you...RUN!!!!!

France...Where Games Go To Die

2005-03-14T01:47:00.000Z

Last night, after a couple hours of fun give and take Poker (I gave...they took), my pal Zhubin introduces me to a game of French origin. (Note: Before continuing on in this post let it suffice to say that I will attempt to spell the French word followed by a syllable by syllable pronunciation...enjoy). The game was called Bleutte (Bluh-Oat) and involved 7-Ace of all four suits. Now, it is similar to Spades in the same way that our governmental system is the same as the Chinese...we both have one and the similarities end there. It involves either going Atou (AH-Two) or Non (Non) and then winning tricks in which the J and 9 are high cards in the Atou set, but low in the Non. Then you can call Tiers (Tears...what the game produces) which is three cards in a row, or 4 of a kind, or five in a row. There are 162 points which includes a 10 point bonus for winning the last trick and then all scores are divided by ten except if you picked the atou suit and lost in which case you get nothing except for perhaps your annunce (An-unts) which is the three of a kind, etc. Now this all works except on the third tuesday in which case spades are mostly wild except when the full moon shines and the club bites the hearts in which case the diamonds win unless followed by the imperial seal of China and the Liberty Bell. Now if the Declaration of Sans atou happens before...well you get the point. Suffice to say that 1)It was a fun game 2)we played three games of it in four hours and 3)It is the most confusing game with the most rules of any game EVER!!!!! So if you have an hour (or ten) to spend ask Zhubin to tell you the rules...and then look at him with a look of utter confusion for the next week or so...Trust me...

CRASH!!!!

2005-03-08T01:10:00.000Z

Well ladies and gentlemen, today was another first in my life. Throughout our lives we all go through innumerable firsts that go from big (first kiss) to small (each subsequent kiss...). However, today was another first. I was driving down the road in my neighborhood going around a corner, and a 16 year old driving an SUV decided that my side of the road would be more fun than his and took it. Yes, diligent readers, I was in my first head on collision. I am fine (my knees fought the dash and the dash won) and have been checked out, but it was one of the strangest experiences of my life. Here is the thought process in my head, "He's coming towards me...he's going to hit me?...he's going to hit me...wait, I think he's going to hit me...OH SWEET LORD HE'S GOING TO HIT ME...CRASH!!!!...I think he just hit me..." or something like that. So all in all, it was a fun day. That's really all from me. Just thought I would tell you I almost died...if you care...which you don't...sigh...

I'm Back!!!!

2005-02-27T05:21:00.000Z

Ok, yes it has been too long since my last update...I suck as a person...are we ok now? Good. Just got done spending 12 hours at the high school working on the set for the Music Man and had a bit of nostalgia...or maybe it was the paint fumes...anywho, I remembered countless hours doing the same thing, getting ready for our shows, but something struck me as odd. In fact, I have really noticed something completely different about this group of kids compared with those of our years.

Now, I am not about to try and make any type of talent comparison because...well frankly, we rocked...but it just seems that this lot doesn't care like we did. Oh, I'm not saying they are not working hard, they have certainly come a long way, and there are definitely a few that would have fit in well with us. It's just that the sense of urgency, dedication, and seriousness that made our shows such an important thing to us seems to be lacking. Perhaps we were the same and now I just see it different in retrospect. Perhaps what I expect because of my training is unreasonable for a high school group and I have set the bar too high (a la Mr. Daniel, right Zhubin...dang he was good...). Or perhaps it just runs in waves and we are currently in the trough awaiting the next major crest to ricochet Farragut back to its rightful place as king of drama. Apparenty Bearden's shows are now the talk of the town and Farragut is...well..not... Regardless of which it is, it made me miss all of you and the energy and enthusiasm we had. We had some good times didn't we...

(Quick note: After looking back at what I have just written, I have decided I am apparently 83...and incontinent...why not...)

Regardless of all that, Music Man is going good and opens this Thursday and I leave for England two weeks from tomorrow to finally see my woman! So off to bed and a full day of tech tomorrow. They do not pay me enough for this...

Home for Christmas

2004-12-21T21:36:00.000Z

Well it's been a crazy month so I have not blogged in awhile...yes I know I have let down all the people who read this...all two of you... Anywho, I am now in Texas, enjoying fun and hilarity and thought it was time to share what I've been doing.

Finally finished up with teaching preschool. I have determined that everyday closer to Christmas excites children exponentially. It can be best described with this formula: Excitement= 1/(days till Christmas) x 8,000,000. It suffices to say that I almost killed any number of these children as their ability to listen decreased in direct proportion to their building excitement. (NOTE: After all these e-mails, none of you will ever trust me with your children will you? No...then I have been successful...Our future my butt... I did however get some neat gifts, a bunch of hugs, and the most tresured thing of all...the look on the parents faces when they knew they had their children 24/7 for the next 4 weeks! It's a beautiful thing!

On Sunday we drove to Texas. I, being the strongest, most alert, and, arguably, sexiest person named Christopher in the car, got the coveted shift of 12:30-6:30 in the morning. Don't tell my family, but I was only awake for half of it. The beauty of Texas and Oklahoma is that you can set your cruise, go to sleep, wake up an hour later, and you're still on the road. Sure you may have hit a cow, sheep, or die-hard Republican...but no real loss. We finally got in safe and sound and are now doing all the family stuff you love to do every year and are glad happens only once a year!

So, needless to say, update your blogs with fun and hilarity or e-mail me. Cause if you don't...let's just say the noose is braided!

The Birthday Party

2004-12-03T00:54:00.000Z

It is joked about, parodied, and used by just about every one of us at one time or another as an hilarious statement, but today...Yes TODAY...I heard the phrase, that has spanned generations, used in a tone of seriousness that I had forgotten could be achieved. Yes, this morning when one girl wouldn't share with the other I heard:

"I don't like you. You can't come to my birthday party!"

Oh yes, it was said! But the best part of the entire episode was the reaction of the offending girl to her apparent dismissal from the ranks of future birthday guest. She was poleaxed and, although normally one of the loudest in the class, said nothing in her defense. She just sat there and after a minute said:

"I'll give it to you if I can come to your birthday party."

I couldn't believe it! She folded like a two dollar tent (I know...there are worse "folded" phrases, but this is a family blog...shame on you...). With only the threat of a future punishment, a punishment that was, in effect, ludicrous (I don't think the girls are friends outside of school; she probably wouldn't have been invited anyway...cause she was fat...) the offended party was able to win a concession from the offender. I just couldn't believe how easily she was mainpulated. But then I thought, are we that much different?

If you take the event and look at the real issue, it might go more like this:

Child #1: Your actions have caused me displeasure, due to either my desire for said object or your recent illegal acquisition of aforementioned. Furthermore, your decision will have the following repurcussions: 1) You shall no longer be invited to my soiree which, in effect, means that I refuse to accept you as a person that is worthy of attending my event. 2) I shall say it loudly so that all in attendance become aware of your expulsion from "party central" and thus will look down upon your actions as well. 3) Acceptance may be granted again under sub-clause B, which reads: "Give my toy back." Your rebuttal.

Child #2: Your reaction to my behavior has caused me to feel shame. I will gladly give back the offending object if you will merely allow me to feel included again. There is no pain greater than the one I am feeling right now; it is the sharp knife point of loneliness. Please forgive me!!!! PS: You can poop on me if you want...

Now, while this example is ludicrous (what...Christopher...ludicrous...) it does seem to me that we can most see in children the need for acceptance. What is funny is that it often doesn't matter if it's a forced acceptance. Most children are just as happy when the teacher makes the others let them play as if they had been welcomed all along. At this particular age, a child can say "I don't like you" and it is not nearly as dreadful as "you can't play with me". As we grow, though, we become more aware of intentions and forced acceptance isn't enough; we want to be proactively wanted and many will do most anything to make people do just this. But is this not, like the guess what story, merely an evolved form of the "birthday party"? Do we not often sublimate our own feelings and desires in order to gain "acceptance"?

In closing, after watching these children I have concluded that, while it is good to get along with people and everyone wants to be liked, sometimes it seems it might be better to be the one at home...all alone...just like middle school...and high school...and college... And hey, look on the bright side...there probably won't even be strippers there...please someone love me...

Cats vs. Butterflies

2004-11-30T21:48:00.000Z

Ok, I don't think there is any life lesson in this story, but it happened today and I almost wet myself so I thought you all needed to share it with me.

After lunch, the kids are supposed to sit in "circle time" and read a book. Now, one of our children (who it seems to me is a few fries short of a happy meal) was wandering around, playing with the window, just being "out there". So I go over to him and what follows is our interaction.

Me:Herbert (name changed to protect the innocent...plus I have always wanted to write Herbert...just rolls off the fingers..Herbert...aahhh...) what are you doing? Why aren't you reading in Circle time?

Herbert: I can't!

M: Why not?

H: 'Cause I'm nervous.

M: What are you nervous about?

H: (Very seriously; almost in tears)The cats can't catch the butterflies.

M: (stunned pause...then): Why does that make you nervous?

H: Cause the cats jump and they can't catch them.

M: (thinking I need to be paid more for this)Go read your book...

If anyone can figure out what life changing maxim this demonstrates, feel free to share. If not, feel free to just laugh at the kids...the stupid, stupid kids...

UK Blows Up Texas!!!!

2004-11-28T04:58:00.000Z

Breaking News: In a startling development, the United Kingdom, tired of cowboy hats, southern drawl, and the Alamo (always with the Alamo...we could've had an Alamo..), has decided to nuke the State of Texas. Many noticed...few cared...

Sorry, just wanted to start off with a bang (ha...a bang!...get it...cause of the bomb...no...please don't go away...I have no friends...). However, recently I had an interesting conversation and, in an effort to drum up comments (looking for 1...,)I thought I would put up a post that was a little un PC. Here goes...

Texas is to the rest of the United States as the US is to most of the rest of the world. "What, what, what?!" you say, "You must elaborate in more paragraphs!" So I shall! I was talking to a former Texan about how it was interesting having lived in the UK what a different view of America and its politics, place in the world, etc. I found. I also said (and if any of my British friends read this, don't hate me...although I think Zhubin is the only person(British, American, Swahili...)who checks it...ever...) that it seemed to me that there was an inordinate amount of Brits who, when asked about the topic, seemed to have a little bit of a chip on their shoulder in regards to us across the pond. In fact, I seemed to feel throughout the year I lived there a kind of unconscious but semi-prevelant bias against America (except from my fiancee...I love you babe!). Now, I am not saying that we don't give them plenty of reasons! I would be the first to admit our faults. But it seems to go beyond that. It made me start thinking, "Now why do other countries feel so strongly about our country and our people, when the reverse of that among Americans towards other countries is largely not there?" And then the person I was talking to gave me an answer I hadn't thought of before and I thought it should be shared.

Most of us know Texans. Heck, both my parents and most of my extended family either live or come from there and through all my schooling, I have met any number of them. However, among most Texans (and I do say most...if you take offense to that, then you are probably in the group that isn't like this...you're perfect...just the way you are...) there is an almost palpable "Pro Texas" "We Rock" "I Crap Gold Because I Was Born In Dallas" feeling exhibited towards others...or at least that is how we perceive it. I say perceive it because in talking to my Texas person, they told me how proud they were of where they were from, how they thought it was the greatest place to live, and how they thought everyone else felt the exact same way about their own state. It was not until they lived elsewhere that they, for the first time, felt the intra-state feuding (North vs South, South vs Deep South, Deep South vs. Emancipation etc.). They relayed to me that they didn't ever compare themselves to other states, because there was no need to compare. Texas was the best state.

Now I know some of you are saying...so? But for the rest of you, I propose that this is not an arrogance, but a security and an insulation. Because of its size, power, and small migration rate Texas is one of the most insulated states. People are happy there, they love it, and nothing outside of Texas really makes that much difference to their daily lives. Ok...fair enough. They believe they live in the greatest place, but, according to what I can gather, figure that others would and should be as proud and secure in where they live.

So far so good? Ok, so what's the connection you ask? Well, is that not the behavior that the US portrays most everyday. Although most of us wouldn't dream of thinking that other countries were less than us, we, for the most part, do believe we live in the greatest nation on earth and are very secure in that. This is fine for us to feel that way, but the impression it puts out to the rest of the world is one of "we're better than you" rather than "I think we are great"...a subtle difference, I grant you, but a difference nonetheless. I propose that we are giving a "Texas" vibe to the rest of the world that doesn't have the luxury of insulation from the "outside world" that we enjoy in this country. We must understand that what some USers feel when bombarded with the fifteenth verse of God Bless Us Texas is what the rest of the world feels towards the US but exponentially.

So next time you hear the US being trashed by another country, you can see that it may not be as cut and dried as it appears. Give them the benefit of the doubt...and then hit them...cause heck...we're bigger and can do whatever we want...

Thanksgiving

2004-11-25T06:34:00.000Z

As Thanksgiving time approaches, I thought it would be poignant for my annual "Thanksgiving Thought" "What?" you say, "This is the first thanksgiving you've had a blog...wait...you've only had the blog for a few weeks...there's no annual anything...I hate you..." Well, to those I say...so?

Anywho, as with most of my entries recently, this one derives from my preschool experience. We have been teaching the little ones about the first thanksgiving, complete with the stories of the fun, hilarity, and all around mirth in abundance (oh and believe me...there was mirth...lots of mirth...). Such conversations as this abounded:

Me: What did they have at the first thanksgiving?

Kid A: Turkey

Kid B: Pumpkin Pie

Kid C: My dog

Kid D: Poop on me!!

Me: No! Stop it!

And so went the discussions.

However, this made me think. I began to look at what we teach young children and what we leave out.

In: Friends with Indians, party for thanksgiving, everyone loves everyone

Out: Half the original pilgrims dead, pitiful first year harvest, Plans for smallpox blankets...use double stitch...they'll never know...

In our society there is an arbitrary age that determines the line between the truth and the "story". Only when we gain in years are we allowed to know the ins and outs of what really happened. "Of course" you say, "Do we really want to explain dying of diptheria to a four year old?" And to that I say...yes...they have to learn sometime... No, I agree, but maybe that age should be younger than we think now. And maybe we should be more brutal across the board. Now before you pull out your stones, go with me for a second.

It seems to me that compassion, temperance, and wisdom are not so much traits that are acquired in joy and happiness, but rather in pain and sadness. To see the folly of our behaviors seems the only way to correct them and prevent their reoccurrence. Therefore, shouldn't we begin to tell the "entire" story to our children as early as possible? Shouldn't we give them as much of an untainted view of their world as possible? And, specifically, in a world that criticizes America for extreme ethocentrism and arrogance, what might the next generation of Americans be like if our whole bloody and often horrific history of our blunders and mistakes was as touted as our triumphs and glories? Might we not then have a generation of people who, although knowing and believing in the wonderful country that is America, also see that we are extremely fallible and operate more carefully and wisely in regards to matters foreign and at home?

In this last election, it seemed that "morality" was the major vote splitter, and this "morality" was, for all intents and purposes, the morality of Christianity. Now, being a Christian and one who agrees with most of these tenents, I still have to look at history and see that Christians were also in favor of slavery, the Crusades, and many other atrocities perpetrated by God-fearing, God-seeking men. I don't believe (before I get lots of angry letters...if anyone really reads this...which they probably don't...weeping...) nor am I comparing a Pro-life stance with a Pro-slavery stance (I mean...who's not for slavery...), I am merely saying that "morality" should be tempered by history. Only through knowledge of events and, most importantly, the meaning behind those events, can we truly make unequivicable (I probably spelled that wrong) decisions about the real truth.

Ok, soap box put away...

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Secret of Life Found!!!!

2004-11-21T04:29:00.000Z

And the secret of life is...7. Just think about it and it all becomes clear (eerie music begins)...Isn't it clearer now...look into my eyes...

Actually, I don't know the secret (or meaning) of life, but I just figured that it would be more fun to start my blog with an attention grabbing headline than just what I was going to be writing about. But now that you're reading, you have to finish...it's the law...in Utah...

GUESS WHAT?! Yes, this is the phrase that I hear the most of during my teaching adventures. It is either in answer to a question or completely unsolicited. The funny thing, though, is that the "what" is always completely and utterly irrelevant to the happening at hand. An example:

Me:Ok guys. Has anyone had a moment when they made someone else sad?

Child: Guess what?!

Me: What?

Child: I have a turtle.

Me: That's great (sigh)

Or how about this one:

Me: Now listen up. Who did the Indians invite for thanksgiving?

Child: Guess what?!

Me: (hesitant) What...

Child: My belly button hurts.

Me: Umm...ok...(sigh of defeat)

Or my all time favorite:

Child: (running up to me on the playground) Guess what?!

Me: (coming out of reverie in which I am a pirate) Oh...umm...what...

Child: I have a secret.

Me: Ok, what is it?

Child: Umm...I forget (scampering off)

And then out comes the razor blades...

However, although these questions are more often than not nonsensical, it gave me insight into another human trait that is uniquely manifested in children. There is a need for attention that is painfully obvious in these little ones and it is a need that is so powerful as to take precedence over anything else going on. It is also an end in and of itself which is evidenced by the lack of a real "what" to any given "guess" question. It is as if they have subconsciously said "Ok get attention", but then forgot to go the next step and ask "Why?"

"That's great" some of you may say. "Kids want attention and they don't care what it's for. Freud move over...there's a new kid in town "(mockingly said...shame on you!!!) I would say to your sarcasm (oh and believe me I feel it...and I know where you live!) that this is a life lesson that we should all take notice of. I suggest that our need for attention doesn't diminish with age, but that we merely become more adept at determining socially viable "what"s to answer with, therefore getting the attention without necessarily showing that the attention was the end one hoped for all along. Maybe many of our desires wherein we see what we want having paramount imnportance are merely elaborate subconscious "what"s that are so convoluted as to make us believe that we are not merely vying for attention and focus.

So next time someone has to speak or share their opinion or has something so important that it seems they might explode without sharing to all who would listen, step back and see if maybe, just maybe, they are really just telling you a very believeable version of "I have a turtle". And, if they are, then do what we do to children...kick them...hard...in the knee...and then poop on them...they asked for it...

C-Dogg in the Big City!

2004-11-15T18:26:00.000Z

I returned from a trip to our nation's capital yesterday (I say our nation's capital to those Americans reading this...to the rest of you I mean THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE!!! MWA HA HA!!!). Now, I hadn't been to the Big D.C. since that fateful year in 1992 where I watched a young man from Arkansas take the oath of office...at least I think it was him...I was pretty far away...actually I may have been watching the mating of the cockatoo...hmmmm.... No, no, I think was at the inauguration of Clinton, but I haven't returned to the city since then, so I was excited to be back in the action. Had a nice lunch with Zhubin at the Capital City Grill (where one can enjoy such specialties as the Filibuster Burger, Senatorial Fries, and the one and only Congressional Chicken Fingers...I think they just stopped trying) and then went to the International Spy Museum where I took on an alias, saw videos of the most influential and infamous spies in US history, and saw the BIGGEST RECTAL TOOL KIT EVER!!!! Now, I have to take a minute here. I understand the need to hide tools in case of capture, but this "tool kit" was at least two inches in diameter and probably six to seven inches long! That's dedication folks...that's dedication!!! But all in all, it was a fun time with my cousins and a great weekend.

However, I did hear something while I was there that gave me a new insight into the American people. Apparently, the hottest ticket in town right now is the Texas Inaugural Ball held in D.C. by the...ummm...Texas Society of D.C....sure... Anywho, apparenly regardless of your politics, this is THE ticket to have. This, then, makes me think. If politics really take second place to a really good party, then isn't that the key to the next election. I mean if John Kerry had promised much better parties, complete with good food, great music, and chips-and-salsa carrying midgets, he would have won in a landslide. On the flip side, even without a health care plan, equal taxation, or standard intelligence, Bush could have taken ninety percent of the vote by merely promising the "tailgate to end all tailgates!!!"

I guess I just find it interesting to see that we can only truly be completely bi-partisan when there is an open bar...

Say What?!

2004-11-10T20:40:00.000Z

As some of you may know, I am doing a number of jobs to make money while I wait for my wedding and subsequent move back to the United Kingdom. One of these jobs is at a preschool...yes, it's true...I am being entrusted with the minds of tomorrow...mwa ha ha!!!! I am working as the teacher's assistant and thought I would take a moment today and relate a story.

We were out on the playground running, swinging, digging for Truman Capote's remains, when I hear from a jungle gym something that sounds like "C'mon guys...poop on me!" Thinking I must've heard wrong, I go to aforementioned gym de jungle and saw a boy in the middle, standing watching the other kids swinging and saying, "Poop on me!" Now I remember being that age when dirt rocked, mud was divine, and peeling a scab was a good afternoon's entertainment, but even then I might've thought twice about "Poop on me."

However, let's look at it another way. Maybe I witnessed one of the great moments of epiphany common when working with children. Maybe "Poop on me" was merely a way of saying, "Let me join in your game. I am lonely down here in this hole and would like to endear myself to your swinging game even to the point of debasing myself. I am in need of love and friendship and would give even my dignity to be part of something greater than myself!" Maybe this child was reaching out to the dominating ruling class in the only way he knew how. Maybe by "pooping", others would join in his revolt to commonality and rise up into a powerful class demanding the right for equal jungle gym time for all who would care to swing!!!!

Or maybe he just wanted them to poop on him...

Makes you think...

Britain Vs. America: The Ultimate Throw Down

2004-11-09T06:19:00.000Z

I am engaged to a Brit. There...I said it. Now, what most of these United States and the people living within do not, and verily cannot know, is that cross cultural differences ABOUND! Furthermore, these differences are never as great as in the realm of...wait for it...POLITICS!!!

Oh no...there he goes. I know that everyone and their mother has posted his/her/its thoughts about the election and given great insight into what everyone else should think (so many brilliant people on the net...I swear...), but I figured I would take a minute and try to give a brief thought (I say brief because I'll probably get bored writing it if it's too long and make a sandwich...speaking of which...) as to why the rest of the world, most especially Britain, would rather eat their own food (boiled everything people!) than have anything to do with the man, the myth, the de-taxenator...George W. Bush! I have talked to a number of people about this because of my experience over there and I thought you'd be dying to know really what I thought. So here it is.

It is actually not too difficult to figure out why America rubs so much of the world the wrong way. Let me explain in an analogy. Let's say you are at home with your brothers and sisters. Now your oldest brother (the biggest, strongest, and, funnily enough, one with the biggest GDP) is in charge while mom is away...where is she, you ask...I don't know...let's say...jail. So brother is in charge and needs to get you all to do the dishes, not a fun task, but one that needs to be done. Are you more likely to respond favorably if told, "Although I am the oldest, I value your opinions equally. The dishes need to be done, but I am willing to be merely a leader among equals and we can discuss the best and most favorable way, across the board, to do the dishes and maybe even make cookies." or "I'm doing the dishes with or without you...however, if you don't help...I'm telling mom you killed the dog...oh and you're evil...an axis of evil!"?

I'm not necessarily saying that what we have done is wrong. Saddam was a horrible leader (almost as bad a the Saudi leaders...oops, I digress...) and shouldn't be in power, but our alienating strongarm unilateral tactics have put us in a position where we may win the battle in Iraq, but lose the war in being a respected leader among the world.

In closing, I have heard on countless shows how people say we have to do the right thing regardless and they don't care what the other countries think. If, however, we want to be the "moral" leaders of the world, shouldn't we be the type of country that people WANT to follow?

Just a thought...

Thus it begins...

2004-11-07T22:40:00.000Z

Well, I've done it. I have buckled to the pressure from the various insidious factions and have become infected with "the blog", as it is called in polite conversation. However, instead of looking at it as merely another fetter to which I will be tied (such as the cell phone, e-mail address, and the Simpsons), I will use this as an outlet for the many insightful, nay brilliant, observations that I would tell you face to face...were you not walking away...please come back...sigh...

But know that as long as I am here, the truth shall always be of secondary importance to a well thought out joke...I'm just saying...