Rag Land

It is joked about, parodied, and used by just about every one of us at one time or another as an hilarious statement, but today...Yes TODAY...I heard the phrase, that has spanned generations, used in a tone of seriousness that I had forgotten could be achieved. Yes, this morning when one girl wouldn't share with the other I heard:

"I don't like you. You can't come to my birthday party!"

Oh yes, it was said! But the best part of the entire episode was the reaction of the offending girl to her apparent dismissal from the ranks of future birthday guest. She was poleaxed and, although normally one of the loudest in the class, said nothing in her defense. She just sat there and after a minute said:

"I'll give it to you if I can come to your birthday party."

I couldn't believe it! She folded like a two dollar tent (I know...there are worse "folded" phrases, but this is a family blog...shame on you...). With only the threat of a future punishment, a punishment that was, in effect, ludicrous (I don't think the girls are friends outside of school; she probably wouldn't have been invited anyway...cause she was fat...) the offended party was able to win a concession from the offender. I just couldn't believe how easily she was mainpulated. But then I thought, are we that much different?

If you take the event and look at the real issue, it might go more like this:

Child #1: Your actions have caused me displeasure, due to either my desire for said object or your recent illegal acquisition of aforementioned. Furthermore, your decision will have the following repurcussions: 1) You shall no longer be invited to my soiree which, in effect, means that I refuse to accept you as a person that is worthy of attending my event. 2) I shall say it loudly so that all in attendance become aware of your expulsion from "party central" and thus will look down upon your actions as well. 3) Acceptance may be granted again under sub-clause B, which reads: "Give my toy back." Your rebuttal.

Child #2: Your reaction to my behavior has caused me to feel shame. I will gladly give back the offending object if you will merely allow me to feel included again. There is no pain greater than the one I am feeling right now; it is the sharp knife point of loneliness. Please forgive me!!!! PS: You can poop on me if you want...

Now, while this example is ludicrous (what...Christopher...ludicrous...) it does seem to me that we can most see in children the need for acceptance. What is funny is that it often doesn't matter if it's a forced acceptance. Most children are just as happy when the teacher makes the others let them play as if they had been welcomed all along. At this particular age, a child can say "I don't like you" and it is not nearly as dreadful as "you can't play with me". As we grow, though, we become more aware of intentions and forced acceptance isn't enough; we want to be proactively wanted and many will do most anything to make people do just this. But is this not, like the guess what story, merely an evolved form of the "birthday party"? Do we not often sublimate our own feelings and desires in order to gain "acceptance"?

In closing, after watching these children I have concluded that, while it is good to get along with people and everyone wants to be liked, sometimes it seems it might be better to be the one at home...all alone...just like middle school...and high school...and college... And hey, look on the bright side...there probably won't even be strippers there...please someone love me...