Monday, July 18, 2005
Here's a First
Well, ladies and gentlemen, I have now started a new system that will record the events of my life. Let's begin!
1: Number of jobs I got fired from today before being interviewed.
Oh yes, it's true, I got effectively fired from SPRAYING PERFUME at Harrod's. Apparently I wasn't spraying material. The story goes like this.
I went to human resources to begin a new survival job working at HArrod's through a temp agency. For those who don't know, Harrod's is a department store in London that is extremely overpriced and way up it's own butt. So, HR sends me to the floor and the counter of the fragrance I will be working at that day to get my starting papers signed by a manager. (Quick note: At Harrod's you have to be what's called "store approved" which basically means are you pretty enough to work at Harrod's in their beauty department and people are hired and fired based solely on this in most cases) Well after being sent here there and everywhere I am told to wait at the counter I will be working at and wait for the manager. So while I wait, I chat a little to one of the girls working there to find out how it works and I lean against the counter.
BIG MISTAKE!!!!!
A guy comes up to me and, in one of the most condescending tones I have ever heard, asks if he can help. I reply and say, "Oh no thank you. I was told to wait here for a manager's signature." To which he snaps, Well please stop leaning on my counter!! Well, I promptly do that and right at this point the floor manager comes up to find out what has happened because the guy who bollocked me is the HEAD OF FRAGRANCE AND BEAUTY!! Oh yes, I offended and was chastised by my boss before I ever got to work. To make matters worse it was him that I was supposed to have sign my paper.
SO...I go up to him and tell him that he is supposed to sign the paper and he very laconically tells me I need to go back to HR. Now here's the funny bit. By the time I had walked across the store to the staff entrance and up an escalator, he had already beaten me there and was in the room getting me fired from Harrod's. I watched him walk out of the office and then one of the HR people came out and told me they had all my documents and to call my agency. Now, mind you I still haven't had an interview!!!!
I call my agency and they tell me that I was not store approved and that I can't work at Harrod's. I have two bachelor's degrees in performing and communicating and a Master's degree and I am not qualified to say, "Bijon for men?" So, that was my day. I died a little more inside...every day just a little more...please hold me...by the way, what is that divine frangrance you're wearing?
1: Number of jobs I got fired from today before being interviewed.
Oh yes, it's true, I got effectively fired from SPRAYING PERFUME at Harrod's. Apparently I wasn't spraying material. The story goes like this.
I went to human resources to begin a new survival job working at HArrod's through a temp agency. For those who don't know, Harrod's is a department store in London that is extremely overpriced and way up it's own butt. So, HR sends me to the floor and the counter of the fragrance I will be working at that day to get my starting papers signed by a manager. (Quick note: At Harrod's you have to be what's called "store approved" which basically means are you pretty enough to work at Harrod's in their beauty department and people are hired and fired based solely on this in most cases) Well after being sent here there and everywhere I am told to wait at the counter I will be working at and wait for the manager. So while I wait, I chat a little to one of the girls working there to find out how it works and I lean against the counter.
BIG MISTAKE!!!!!
A guy comes up to me and, in one of the most condescending tones I have ever heard, asks if he can help. I reply and say, "Oh no thank you. I was told to wait here for a manager's signature." To which he snaps, Well please stop leaning on my counter!! Well, I promptly do that and right at this point the floor manager comes up to find out what has happened because the guy who bollocked me is the HEAD OF FRAGRANCE AND BEAUTY!! Oh yes, I offended and was chastised by my boss before I ever got to work. To make matters worse it was him that I was supposed to have sign my paper.
SO...I go up to him and tell him that he is supposed to sign the paper and he very laconically tells me I need to go back to HR. Now here's the funny bit. By the time I had walked across the store to the staff entrance and up an escalator, he had already beaten me there and was in the room getting me fired from Harrod's. I watched him walk out of the office and then one of the HR people came out and told me they had all my documents and to call my agency. Now, mind you I still haven't had an interview!!!!
I call my agency and they tell me that I was not store approved and that I can't work at Harrod's. I have two bachelor's degrees in performing and communicating and a Master's degree and I am not qualified to say, "Bijon for men?" So, that was my day. I died a little more inside...every day just a little more...please hold me...by the way, what is that divine frangrance you're wearing?
# posted by Christopher @ 9:03 PM 
Comments:
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We've got a comic in the paper over here called "Bizarro"; it's one of those one-panel, Far Side-esque types. Today it showed a couple sitting in a restaurant, and their waiter standing by the table saying, "Hi, my name is Edgar, and I'll be your Doctor of Medieval Literature this evening."
Hilaaarious. Thought you might enjoy the parallel, chum.
In other news, Chuck E Cheese said you can have your old job if you need it, but you'll have to get store approved...
Hilaaarious. Thought you might enjoy the parallel, chum.
In other news, Chuck E Cheese said you can have your old job if you need it, but you'll have to get store approved...
I would love to do Chuck E again but the mouse said I wasn't classy or pretty enough...stupid mouse...my fur is just as glossy...
Hey! This is Scott! In America!
This isn't related in any way to your story, but I couldn't think of a better way to pose this question?
Do you or your friends watch the television (telly?) show Spaced? It's by the guys who made Shawn Of The Dead, and it's my new favorite show.
Do ya, do ya, huh?
This isn't related in any way to your story, but I couldn't think of a better way to pose this question?
Do you or your friends watch the television (telly?) show Spaced? It's by the guys who made Shawn Of The Dead, and it's my new favorite show.
Do ya, do ya, huh?
# posted by 
: 9:41 PM
: 9:41 PM
Damn. I used a question mark in my previous comment where there should have a been a period. If you read it as written I sound like a valley girl.
# posted by : 9:43 PM
: 9:43 PM
Chris, if you want, I'll send Kyle over there to kick Ol' King Harod in the knickers!
# posted by : 6:02 PM
: 6:02 PM
I know a good way to get back at them! You could wait to see how the head of the HR department goes home at the end of the day and then plant a bomb to go off on his way home.
What? ... too soon?
-Graham
What? ... too soon?
-Graham
# posted by : 10:17 AM
: 10:17 AM
I never thought that I, as a New Yorker, would be telling this to a Londoner, but damn, dude, your city is getting dangerous.
Although if all that is happening over in London, it means that NYC is about to get a serious asskicking very soon, here.
Although if all that is happening over in London, it means that NYC is about to get a serious asskicking very soon, here.
You now consider yourself a New Yorker Zhubin? It is a little early for that don't you think? The requirements state that you have to do the following to offically be called a New Yorker... 1)Succesfully jump a subway turnstile without paying and get away with it 2)Be asked directions on the street by someone and be able to point them in the direction they need to go, and 3)live through the soupy heat that is the summer without a/c and live through the blizardy cold winter with little heat even though you are paying 850-1000 dollars a month.
-Graham
-Graham
# posted by : 10:19 AM
: 10:19 AM
Yeah, definitely jumping the gun on the "New Yorker" status, Zhub. Try pushing down a homeless man tomorrow--that'll at least put you in the ballpark.
Maybe if you were a sophisticated yet humorous magazine featuring criticism, essays, and deliciously bourgeois cartoons, we could talk; but otherwise you're just gonna have to bite the bullet and accost some random, needy strangers.
Maybe if you were a sophisticated yet humorous magazine featuring criticism, essays, and deliciously bourgeois cartoons, we could talk; but otherwise you're just gonna have to bite the bullet and accost some random, needy strangers.
Well, well, well, did some Knoxvillians comment on this blog? Because it suddenly smells really trashy around here. Christopher, you need to set your blog options to screen out posts from small-town folk.
For your information, Graham, I've already done #2 several times. As for #1 and #3, let me remind you that I'm a "New Yorker," not a "New York artist." I don't need to jump turnstiles or sleep in an un-air-conditioned apartment, because my wallet is stuffed with $100 bills.
And for your information, Joe, I can't even count how many corpses of homeless people I have in my apartment. You gotta come here and see it to really appreciate it.
For your information, Graham, I've already done #2 several times. As for #1 and #3, let me remind you that I'm a "New Yorker," not a "New York artist." I don't need to jump turnstiles or sleep in an un-air-conditioned apartment, because my wallet is stuffed with $100 bills.
And for your information, Joe, I can't even count how many corpses of homeless people I have in my apartment. You gotta come here and see it to really appreciate it.
and of course, zhubin, when you say "apartment" you mean "hovel otherwise known as small, crappy student housing" right?
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# posted by : 2:01 PM
: 2:01 PM << Home
